My lesson in Conscious Parenting at an unlikely moment: At a Coldplay concert!
Summary
Our family dynamic hasn’t allowed for structured, dedicated 1:1 time on a predictable basis. However, I have been learning the art of “family orchestrating” and working towards “micro-moments” of connection, weaving in unexpected 1:1 time with each child in the ordinary routines of our days.
Recently, however, having one child at camp allowed me that 1:1 time with my younger treasure. Here was an opportunity for the “magnificent” during this 1:1 window. It was a no-brainer!
Presence, a precursor to enjoy a sensory experience
We got there fully present and ready for the sensory experience it promised to be. For my 7 year old this was easy. Being fully present and immersed is just his natural sense of being. I had to make a choice to put away any distractions and be fully where I was. Once there, it wasn’t hard. The passion, the music, the depth of the songs, the electric energy of Chris Martin on stage and the sheer oneness of the fans at the stadium was just an experience in itself. A feeling I want to bottle up forever.
Triggered during a joyful moment?
But all that aside, in the midst of my sensory experience, I had a teachable moment in conscious parenting. Last week we touched upon how much of parenting is about us? How important it is to recognise our past stressors that have the potential to trigger us. Little did I know that conscious parenting applies just as much to the joyful, fun, upbeat moments.
While being completely immersed in the music and experience, I couldn’t help but hold, sway, embrace and dance with my sweet seven year old. He lives life large, and to him, hugs come easily. Isn’t this our default way of connecting, or at least was during our early years dancing around the living room with my babe in arms?
However, within the first three songs he asks me to “stop”. This is something I might expect my near “tween” to say but not my “baby”.
However, given my recent post about respect, being a two way street, it was a request I wasn’t prepared to ignore, despite my ego wanting to keep going, dancing WITH HIM.
“Adopt the pace of nature, her secret is patience” Ralph Waldo Emerson
It continued to be a great night. It wasn’t as cuddly, huggy, koala bear styled experience that I have been used to with my littler treasure, but it was a good reminder on attunement. If you recall our previous discussion, our attuned caregiving is the basis of secure attachment. To be attuned, our bids and responses must be consistent, while matching in timing and frequency. So while my ego or unconscious self had preconceived “expectations” on how our “first” concert together would go, I had to let go of these, to show up and enjoy it in a way that was authentically enjoyable for both of us.
Will you join me reflecting?
- Where in your life do you find yourself getting triggered the most?
- This time I would invite you to get curious about how they show up during the “supposedly” joyful moments- think- your idea of a Christmas photo, your expectation of a playdate (it’s his friend he’s hanging out with after all), your idea of that idyllic beach morning….
- Triggers are a sign that we are resisting the “as is” of a moment. Think bedtime battles (we resist them needing us, as we crave “our time”; their “no’s”, because they are a sign of them challenging our expectations of a situation).
Triggers are a sign that we are resisting the “as is” of a moment. Think bedtime battles (we resist them needing us, as we crave “our time”; their “no’s”, because they are a sign of them challenging our expectations of a situation).
“Lessons in Conscious Parenting can occur in the most unlikely places…. IF we remain conscious, curious and accepting of these moments…
My Love Letter to you Mama…
Sometimes second chances are those we give ourselves. Sometimes, life does give these to us. I was fortunate enough to attend Coldplay, not once but twice. This time with my older treasure. Safe to say, I took the lessons from my first trip and took a more conscious approach to enjoying the show in a way that was respectful to both of us. It is my hope that you offer yourself the second-chances you so deserve Mama. Give this to yourself.
Written by Lisel Varley
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