What if we designed our days with same loving tenderness as we do our children’s schedules?

If you are a mum of little children, you know all too well the importance of honouring their needs with such devotion. It might seem second nature now, but I see you, tending to your children’s needs with deep attentiveness — noticing their sleep cues, preparing meals before hunger turns to distress, and shaping their days to include just the right blend of play, social time, rest, and time outdoors. We create thoughtful schedules to help them feel secure and balanced, rhythms designed with love so they can grow and thrive.

But somewhere along the way, as our children grow, and as we get lost in the role of caregiving, we forget that we, too, are living beings with rhythms that need tending.

When was the last time you asked yourself, “What time do I need to rest? What helps me feel nourished, regulated, and ready for joy?” (and then actually scheduled that in?)

For many expat mums in Hong Kong—navigating parenthood far from extended family, adapting to intense schedules, balancing multiple cultures, and striving to build community—it’s easy to lose ourselves in the logistics of prioritising everyone else’s wellbeing.

Yet our steadiness, energy, and capacity for compassion all flourish when our own rhythm is lovingly observed.

What if we began to design our days with the same tenderness, thoughtfulness, and care we pour into our children’s routines?

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Rhythms + Rest = Replenishment

One thing I have learnt is that in this season of caregiving, we don’t need an extensive, elaborate morning routine feel balanced. (“How is that even practical, have you seen our race against time each morning?” I hear you say). In fact, it is far from that. What matters are “micro habits”, small, sustainable shifts, with low barriers to entry that cumulatively lead to improved outcomes. What truly restores you is consistency, not intensity.

Try beginning with these small, soulful steps:

• Aim for a phone-free first and last 10-15 minutes: We live on on our phones. And by this I do not mean social media. TWe are often at the mercy of the myriad of calendar notifications, WhatsApp groups, administrative tasks, even before we go down social media rabbit holes. The best way to do this
  • Turning off all notifications having your phone set to “night mode” between 9pm and 7amIdeally leaving our phones charging outside the bedroom
  This is one potent way to calm our nervous systems and prevent cortisol spikes and adrenalin fueled sense of urgency that notifications can spike.
• Anchor rest into your day: Schedule one pocket of rest just for you, even if it’s ten quiet minutes on the balcony while the kettle boils before head you had out for school pick up.
• Prioritise sleep with tenderness: The “golden hours” once the kids are asleep are often times of high productivity or mindless entertainment. What if, just once a week, you chose your own bedtime with the same tenderness you enforce your child’s? Set the alarm 30 minutes before your bedtime, dim lights, screen‑free wind‑down, perhaps a short journaling or gratitude ritual. Your body and mind will thank you.

When we rest regularly, we reconnect to inner steadiness. Rest becomes resistance to constant productivity—and a way to model healthy boundaries for our children. Consistent micro‑rests signals to your nervous system and your mind that “I matter to me”.

Remember, our children are watching us. Observing a parent who creates sustainable rhythms, prioritises rest, and schedules joyful pursuits will lead them to emulate these behaviours as they become adults.

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One of the quiet griefs I often hear from mothers is the loss of space for themselves. In shaping life around everyone else’s needs, routines, and schedules, it is easy to overlook our own.

Designing our day with tenderness means consciously building in space—literal and emotional—for you. Virginia Woolfe may have advocated for a woman to have a “Room of One’s own”. If that is challenging in Hong Kong, consider how you can create a little sanctuary, a little corner space for your sacred and joy giving treasures- your favourite candle, an inspiring book(s), a picture of your favourite people or places.

That space might look like:

• A creative pocket once a week (painting, journaling, or reading something that inspires you).
• Time to connect with a friend or community where you’re not just someone’s mum, but fully yourself.
• Allowing moments of stillness without guilt.

Space is where you remember who you are beneath the tasks, titles, and to‑dos.

Creating Sustainable Systems that support unique you

To maintain these rhythms, you can create sustainable systems that make care easier and more automatic. This could be as simple as:

• Planning recurring grocery deliveries for staples.
• Have a rotating meal plan (to reduce cognitive load at 5pm).
• Setting phone reminders for water breaks or walks.
• Creating a visual “energy map” for your week—marking high‑energy and low‑energy days to plan accordingly. (Hint: Use a colour coded calendar on your phone that can offer you some insights as you reflect on your days).
• Journaling and recording days, environments, events, people, situations that energise or drain you (This is especially so for new expat families where the pressure to say “yes” to everything for fear of missing out)

Think of systems as scaffolding for your wellbeing. They support your rhythm without confining it. When systems reflect your values—connection, calm, creativity—they become extensions of love, not more chores on the list.

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