Mosaics of Motherhood: Embracing the evolving identity of mothers as individuals
Summary
Let’s face it. Motherhood is a transformation like no other. No matter how much well-meaning advice you have received or books you have equipped yourself with, that shift to motherhood is one that nothing or nobody could prepare you for. That shift in identity, aspirations, roles and really, your state of being- a metamorphosis that is profoundly unique and like a mosaic, intricate, nuanced and complex. Not to mention, potentially constantly evolving, with the various seasons of motherhood and stages of childhood.
I see you Mama. You, in the fullness of all the colours of your spectrum.
Principles of Positive Psychology
Positive Psychology is now accepted as evidenced based approach focused on recognising, celebrating and developing what is “right” in us (i.e. a change in perspective, not what needs “fixing”). Understanding our strengths, guided by our values, allows us then to practice other important principles such as forgiveness, generosity, gratitude, all of which can serve as our compass during this journey.
Let’s start at the very beginning…
And a very good place to start is, with our VALUES, our guiding north star…
“My Values are not good or bad.. They are JUST RIGHT… “
Values are your guiding North Star…
Values are the guiding principles that shape our choices, influence our behaviour, and help us define what is truly important in our lives.
Your values are PERFECT. They are not right or wrong. Unlike goals, they are not “accomplished”, yet they direct, point and steer us towards our goals.
Understanding your values will allow you greater clarity to implement these across the various domains of your life- self, partnership, motherhood, work, friendships, family and more…
Play to your Strengths
In positive psychology, a strength is defined as a positive trait or quality that contributes to your overall well-being and personal fulfillment. Strengths are often inherent characteristics, such as resilience, kindness, creativity, and gratitude, that allows you to thrive, achieve your goals, and foster meaningful connections. Recognising, cultivating and practising, these strengths often can offer you a sense of meaning, purpose and fulfilment. Check out the VIA Character Strengths survey here.
Building Resilience through Self Compassion and Gratitude
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks. Heaven knows there are plenty of those in our journey as mothers. So what helps us develop a healthier dose of this desirable quality when we know so fully well we wish to instill this in our children?
Enter- self-compassion, knowing that you did a “good enough” job at something, letting go of the need for perfection (this doesn’t exist anyway) and striving to stay in your own lane, running your own race.
Having a daily gratitude practice isn’t toxic positivity. What we focus on expands. Focusing more on what IS WORKING, celebrating the wins, however little and remembering progress made can guide your sense of wellbeing when the going gets tough.
Community
We are connected beings. As William James aptly put it, “We are like islands in the sea, separated on the surface, connected on the deep”. Engaging with other mothers, joining support groups (like ours!), participating in community activities can help mitigate feelings of isolation and foster a sense of belonging. If you wish to explore more, please check out our membership community here.
Seek Professional Help
If you find yourself still struggling, remember seeking help is a sign of strength. Positive psychology is no longer focused on fixing what is not working but celebrating and finding ways to use what works often. Using narrative approaches, we can work through and benefit from reframing experiences- such as expansion of identity incorporating new strengths and experiences. Working through values aligned goal setting processes can offer tangible steps to foster a sense of empowerment and fulfillment. If you wish to have a confidential discussion, please click here.
My Love Letter to you Mama…
Motherhood can become a powerful source of meaning and fulfillment—celebrating small victories, embracing challenges as opportunities for growth, and fostering gratitude for shared moments of connection and joy.
Motherhood offers us an opportunity to raise ourselves, as we raise our treasures… It is up to me to raise up to this opportunity.
Written by Lisel Varley
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